Humor

Famous last words in Rifts

Don’t worry, there’s only one Mechaniod there!

Xictikic don’t use tactics (After I spent 3 hours watching an ant hive destroy intruders ie: bugs I dropped in on them)

I’ll ask him if he wants to buy an E-rifle

I know what’s going on now

I saw this movie!

I’ll smack the old Indian in the mouth. He ain’t about shit.

Blind Warrior Woman? Hehehehe, I’ll use ventriloquism to throw her off, then shoot her in the back of her melon head.

Splugorth? What a dumbass name.

Temporal Warrior in a Can? Cool, I’ll buy one, shake it, and open it, just like the directions said to!

I’ll dump clip!

CS never call for backup.

Nuarani Collections Department? Ya, right, make me pay…..

Jager-mechs? Like as in Chuck Yeager?

Fire For Effect?

I’ve faced everything from the Mechaniods to the 4 Horsemen, what’s the CS war gonna throw at me?

What whistling noise?

What’s this red dot behind your ear? How come it won’t brush off?

Can I play a temporal raider?

Only idiots use called shots

I’m a werewolf, so I’m immune from everything but silver. (Said by a werewolf when faced with a Triax S&D squad armed with U-rounds)

Hey! There’s no such thing as a Shivak! There’s no monster like that in any books! (Why do some players have an intense aversion to homebrewed monsters?)

I’ll stick my E-pistol in the shopkeepers nose. He can’t do shit about it.

A CS medical unit? Ha! They’ll be pushovers.

We’ll start gathering up the loot. Intel says they didn’t have reenforcements in radio range.

I’ll put on the Super SAMAS. The CS doesn’t use armor theft protection.

I’m the smartest player here, I always figure out what’s going on before anyone else.

What’s this red flashing light on this black brick on the ammo bin of your bot?

I’ll cut the red wire. No wait, the blue!

I’ll use my laser sight…

There’s nothing challenging any more.

No, honestly, I rolled all my stats in the low 20’s! Witness, no, I did it at home.

Of course the dog boys can’t see me, I’m invisible (Kind of reminds me of that line in Mystery Men-”I’m invisible! Can you see me?”)

Venus is going to be cake walk, all my sensors detect is plants.

Anything fighting the CS will be my ally too.

The sign says “Touch this sword and die!”? Ya right, I have +(whatever ludicrous number) to save vs (probably everything). I’ll grab it. What do you mean I’m dead, no save. What kind of bullshit is this? Don’t I get a warning? This fucking sucks, you’re a killer GM.

(Whisper to another player) Don’t worry man, I own this book, and it says that Merlin is an Alien Intelligence, so if we ambush him, we’ll be doing King Arthur a favor.

Some Zombies, in the Serangeti? Probably some dumb-ass necromancer.

(Stage whisper to another player) We’re heading for Mars? No problem, according to my Mutants in Orbit book, all we have to worry about is some dumb ass insects.

Erin Tarn said so…

Special CS task force? So what, the CS can’t do shit to me!

A pack of kids with power tools are blocking my way? Fuck them, my ‘borg’ll push one down and walk through them.

A juicer with an impact wrench, so what, I’ve got a UAR-1 Enforcer, what’s he going to do.

The cyber-doc wants $10,000?!? Fuck him, I’ll walk out.

Don’t worry, man, my map says it’s only 5 miles to town.

I’m an MDC creature, I can drink salt water.

It’s 40 below, we’ve crashed, all our power armors have shut down due to damage, and the Mark V has a GB round hole in the side? No problem, we’ll take shelter under the tree, get together some firewood, and start a fire. Lighter? Uhhh…..

The guys got PSI on his black jumpsuit huh? What does he think, a CS agent coming into a mage bar here in the burbs, that noone’s gonna fuck him up? I’m gonna get up and beat the hell out of him.

Technomancer? What kind of dumb OCC is that?

A Brodkil on a jetski with an e-rifle? What are you, stoned?

We dropped the RPA, let’s pry it open and pull the pilot out to interrogate him! He’s what? Hey, borgs can’t pilot power armor!

Ecomancer? Like in ecology? Hell with that plant humper, I’ll stand right here in the woods and blast his ass.

Hey, check it out, this radio tower has an intact radio repeater on it! Let’s scavenge it. Get the guys on guard over here, this place is a ruin anyway.

Snake master? So what. I’ll punch that old drunk out. I don’t see any snakes around here to save him.

Hey guys, it says here I get to be a contestant on Running Elf, in Splynn! Cool huh?

Repo Bot? What the hell is that?

If you end up on Rift’s Earth after going through a Rifts, it’s still the same.

What the Hell is a CS Ley Line Stalker?

Arkansaw Baronies Sheriff? Fuck him, I’m a Monster Brodkil, and if he ain’t CS, I ain’t afraid of him.

Indian burial ground markers? So what?

CS Temporal Commando? What’s that, some kind of Time Police?

Of course our fake ID’s will hold up, we bought them off the Black Market.

Why is the DM smiling?

Quad mounted 20mm guns? So what, it’s Pre-Rifts tech, and I’m a <some>m not gonna bother dodging.

Two Ley Line Walkers and a Stone Mage? So what, my SAMAS can take them.

Damnit, not my truck (sniper charges monster)!

Humor

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